Demon was up all night last night puking. Hellion was up all night coughing and choking. They were both up at 6am, despite me giving them milk and trying to convince them to lay in my bed with me. (Turned into a giggle fest, which would have been cute, except for the migraine, and the no sleep, on top of the sinus infection) So then they were whiney and cranky, and fighting all morning.
They had their physicals (which we've been putting off for Helli for a YEAR because she's been SICK for a YEAR) today, at nap time. 2pm. I managed to get a shower... of some sort this morning, then they wanted a bath, so they got a bath, with splashing, and screaming, and fighting, and then lunch. Then it took us 20mins to get together and out the door. (after they were dressed and stuff. This was just sweatshirts & shoes) So, to the doctors. Both kids are being freaks. Demon does half the eye test then melts down. So I have to go try to comfort him, which sends Helli into a meltdown. So now I'm bribing them. "if you just finish the eye test I'll take you to Target and buy you a toy? And a pretzel? and a soda. ....the biggest toy you want. ANYTHING you want." Nope. No eye test, "I can't see it. i can't see. I don't know." Back into the room. The ear test beepy thing he flipped about. He was crawling around under the exam table, and kept hitting his head, and screaming, while I was trying to talk to the doctor, about why I'm worried he's a freak...under the exam table... yelling, "I'm a bunny mama!"
THEN it was SHOT TIME! We had to hold him down, like, REALLY hold him down. Then he screamed bloody fucking murder, and cried for 20mins. (Helli didn't scream OR cry) It was so bad one of the nurses came in and brought him 4 batman stickers just to make him stop screaming. Ok, so, ok. BUT, he did get the shots, and didn't break anything, and strictly speaking, followed most of the instructions. (Plus, Helli was an angel) So, off to Target we go. He wants a Batman mask AND a Batman toy. Ok. (the batman toys they had were pretty lame, so ok, we got 2) Helli was adorable. She kept picking stuff out, and I told her she could only have 2, so she'd go put something back (where it went) and get the new thing, put it in the cart, repeat.
Ok, so, we had our toys, Helli had been through like 6, and had 2 in the cart. Then she melts down. She wants the ball, but in the cart, but with her, but in the cart, but with her.... then she wants me to carry her, and sits down in the middle of Target and screams. Refuses to get up. I walk away, Demon keeps going back to get her. I grab her a small lamp for her room, (Because she needs one, she's decided no more sleeping in the dark) So Demon has to have one, fine. Helli is 4 aisles over, won't get any closer. I go to get the lamps low wattage bulbs, and they're both walking into other customers, staying two aisle away, being freaks. Fine, we're leaving. I finally give up, go pick up Helli, put her over my shoulder, and... yup, yup... she's pooped. That's what she's been doing. The diapers and wipes are in the car. Ok, no big deal.
As we check out and Demon wants his pretzel and soda. Ok, I DID say he could have one. Ok. So we take poop girl over to get a pretzel and soda. It, of course, takes forever. They have to cook the pretzels or something. Finally get the pretzels, and we're gathering our stuff to take it out to the car, and her soda hits the floor. (I think she dropped it) entire small soda, on the floor. So I'm trying to clean it up, Demon is yelling about the spilled soda. FINE. So I clean most of it up, THEN the guy shows up with the mop. Fine, it wasn't his kid who dropped the soda. I gather the pretzel, one soda, my bottle of water, put Helli in the cart, with the pretzels and my water. We walk out to the car.
I open the trunk, grab my bag from the backseat, Let Demon in the backseat. Go back to the trunk, Helli dumps the pretzels in the parking lot. Fine. OK. I collect all the bits, take the stuff out of one of our target bags, and put the trash in, get a diaper, the package of wipes, and lay Helli in the trunk. Tear pullup (we're working on sitting on the potty) open wipes... and they're frozen, fucking FROZEN SOLID. So I'm trying to yank something out of this package, a wipe, 12, stuck together, fine, fucking SOMETHING to wipe her ass with. I get a clump, break the wipes package.
When I go to Target I park on the far side of the parking lot, and pull through, so it's easier to leave (and I don't have to back my behemoth up if it's busy) So, as I'm standing there with my kids bare ass in the freezing cold, trying to scrub it with a clump of frozen wipes, on a day from hell, this car pulls up behind me. But since I'M there, and the CART is there, she can't pull all the way into the spot. SO SHE WAITS. She just fucking SITS there, WAITING, while I clean Helli, collect the trash, put Helli in her seat, unload the cart, return the cart. I swear to GOD I almost ripped her a new one. An entire fucking parking lot and you need THIS SPACE, RIGHT NOW?! Forget the fact that BOTH spots on either side of us are EMPTY. We finally make it home. Open the toys, look at everything. Demon has a tantrum, and tells me he's going to bed. FINE. GO TO BED.
Helli crawls into my lap, head butts me a lot, and makes herself comfy. 5minutes later, she's snoring. I got put her in her bed and realize Demon HAS actually gone to bed. He's sound asleep. At 4:30.
Now, at 7:30 they're both up and bright eyed. Yay!
 |
| My darling hell spawn |
***UPDATE****
And now, just to complete my day, it's 9:45 and Helli is covered in a rash. Is the rash from the vaccines? The Augmentin? Who knows! It's like rash roulette.
Because, why the hell not after today?
