SPIDER!

Mid drive home today Austin starts yelling, "SPIDER IN THE CAR! THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE CAR!! SPIDER IN THE CAR!" at which point Ella starts shrieking as if she's just been gravely injured.

I glance back, and sure as shit, there's a palm sized wolf spider booking it across the back of my car. Because I'm an awesome mom (and the children were screaming) I thought quick and dropped my just purchased apple juice on it. Which, if it didn't kill it, at least hid it from view while I finished driving home.

I spent the rest of my drive home thinking, "how the hell did that thing get in my car?! Was it ON me? Did it travel in ON ME?! DID IT TOUCH ME?!" and, "Dear lord, how the hell am I going to get it out?! It can't live in here, we'll be stuck at home forever!" (Did I mention I'm terrified of spiders? Like, completely, totally terrified of spiders. And I can hear you, while I'm typing, thinking, "Well that's why your kids are freaking out," but no. No. I DO NOT freak out about spiders around my kids. Never. So whatever this hysterical screaming is, it is all them. I calmly dropped a thing of apple juice on it while driving in 5 o'clock traffic and quietly freaked out in my head, while urging them to calm down.)

We pull into the driveway and, of course, my son starts insisting on seeing the dead spider. I let him out of his car seat, and slowly pick up the apple juice. There's the spider, all curled up in ball. Ah-HA! "See, it's dead. It's not moving." No sooner had the words left my mouth then it uncurled and started skittering across my car. Which triggered Ella, who was still in her car seat, to start screaming like Jamie Lee Curtis in a B movie. Seriously, this girl could put Ms. Lee to shame. So I just dropped the apple juice on it again... and again.. .and again, and one more time after it curled into a ball just to make sure it wasn't just pretending again. Then I had to unbuckle the completely hysterically sobbing Ella from her car seat and bring the kids inside.

The dead spider is still in my car, dead, curled up in a ball on my sweatshirt. I'm going to send my husband out to get it, because no way am I TOUCHING that thing. BUT, I managed to present a calm front to the minions.

(I looked up wolf spider pictures, so I could put one in here with the title, "dramatic reenactment, not the actual spider from my car." But it made my skin crawl so baldy I had to stop looking. Did I mention I hate spiders? Like, a lot.)