Cold Coffee and Warm Beer

February, 8, 2011

I should have named the blog “Cold Coffee and Warm Beer.” My husband is always telling me that he hasn’t gotten to drink his beer cold, or his coffee warm since we had kids. That’s about four years now. I think probably that is the best descriptive explanation of having children. It’s putting all of your previous joys and wants behind the needs of someone else. Someone tiny, and small, and helpless, and totally worth it, but still, coming in second in your own life. 

 A lot of people have a hard time with the adjustment. I think that’s the primary reason parenthood is so hard. (That and sleep deprivation) We spend years trying to figure out how to take care of ourselves, how to get our own needs met, and then give it all up for someone else. We spend hours, and days, and years trying to figure out how to take care of this new person. Trying to figure out what they need, why they’re unhappy, how to make then happy, and still have them grow up to be self sufficient and independent. We spend hours, and days, and months learning to translate screams and cries, learning to function on little to no sleep, and little to no food. There are all sorts of things we would love to do... if we only had time. We don’t have time, of course, because we’re putting someone else’s needs in front of our own.  This is the hallmark of parenting though. It is what makes us good parents. It is how it is supposed to be, and why we have such a hard time figuring out how to put ourselves, or our marriage first later I think. It is why we occasionally fall to pieces, and why so many marriages with kids don’t make it. It is why parenthood can bring more joy and satisfaction, but less happiness. It is why it has taken me two hours to type one page. 

We are parents. We don’t ever get to drink the beer cold or the coffee warm. 

This also happens to be the reason I bought a coffee maker that uses those little pods and makes just one cup of coffee at the push of a button, as well as an electric tea kettle. For some strange reason all my recent stove top tea kettles have been destroyed, (melted) and I can’t seem the find the time to measure, avoid spilling, or clean up coffee grounds, not to mention wait for an entire pot of coffee to brew.